blank stares,
blank pages.
i'll fill these blanks
with blank words.
the cursor will blink
a million times before
i finish the nothing that i have started.
what words even matter?
alone or juxtaposed
together, just
for the sake of syntax,
i'll relapse and
form complete sentences
for my sake.
i obsessed the concept over
creation, built castles in clouds
instead of clay;
can't you see half-
way around the world
from here?
when it rains,
worlds disappear.
excuse me
and my existential crisis;
i have been fretting the fine print,
combing through caveats
desperate to recollect if i
put my life on the line
and signed.
more bone than flesh, i confess -
am i a challenge, more or
less a few years
life expectancy?
i exist simply, satisfied
yet self-aware of circumstance,
and admittedly
i am scared
that i may only amount to
a man who dies
within these walls.
i almost drowned a few years back that december.
you were making waves before i even hit the water
on a hill in hartford and elsewhere out east.
it's crazy to think we never would meet if it weren't for me
losing my cool and now i can't kick it, but fuck it.
it's as if it we're meant to be and you were meant for me;
both broken, we push it, and smile, and bullshit.
sometimes i skip rocks and she sings songs.
the tide turned sometime when you hit a different dialect,
a different tongue, my stomach turned, lines blurred,
i wanted to run or at least push myself into the pool.
sink or swim, crash and burn,
it's all the same, i live and learn,
b
you were quiet,
curled up in the comfort of your pink sheets,
as you were the moment we met,
and i was nervous -
"we don't have to do this,"
i whispered intently.
"but i want to."
so i leaned forward
and took a moment
to let the tide take me,
we smiled shyly
and i kissed you,
stumbling like a fool.
you smiled anyway.
hits like
controlled demolition,
vertical implosion,
bits and pieces of me
contaminating the air
and hearts and lungs
of everyone around.
breathe me in,
toxic, abrasive,
unwanted.
did you mean what you said?
you've always known
and had what you needed
but when i needed you,
i was alone
in pieces
floored.
blank stares,
blank pages.
i'll fill these blanks
with blank words.
the cursor will blink
a million times before
i finish the nothing that i have started.
what words even matter?
alone or juxtaposed
together, just
for the sake of syntax,
i'll relapse and
form complete sentences
for my sake.
i obsessed the concept over
creation, built castles in clouds
instead of clay;
can't you see half-
way around the world
from here?
when it rains,
worlds disappear.
excuse me
and my existential crisis;
i have been fretting the fine print,
combing through caveats
desperate to recollect if i
put my life on the line
and signed.
i like to imagine myself
as a water fountain,
a concrete phoenix;
simple and still,
yet constant,
but the clumsy man i am
stumbles along sidewalks -
a stone skipping on the lake
to sink like a sacrificial penny
thirsty for luck.
more bone than flesh, i confess -
am i a challenge, more or
less a few years
life expectancy?
i exist simply, satisfied
yet self-aware of circumstance,
and admittedly
i am scared
that i may only amount to
a man who dies
within these walls.
i almost drowned a few years back that december.
you were making waves before i even hit the water
on a hill in hartford and elsewhere out east.
it's crazy to think we never would meet if it weren't for me
losing my cool and now i can't kick it, but fuck it.
it's as if it we're meant to be and you were meant for me;
both broken, we push it, and smile, and bullshit.
sometimes i skip rocks and she sings songs.
the tide turned sometime when you hit a different dialect,
a different tongue, my stomach turned, lines blurred,
i wanted to run or at least push myself into the pool.
sink or swim, crash and burn,
it's all the same, i live and learn,
b
you were quiet,
curled up in the comfort of your pink sheets,
as you were the moment we met,
and i was nervous -
"we don't have to do this,"
i whispered intently.
"but i want to."
so i leaned forward
and took a moment
to let the tide take me,
we smiled shyly
and i kissed you,
stumbling like a fool.
you smiled anyway.
hits like
controlled demolition,
vertical implosion,
bits and pieces of me
contaminating the air
and hearts and lungs
of everyone around.
breathe me in,
toxic, abrasive,
unwanted.
did you mean what you said?
you've always known
and had what you needed
but when i needed you,
i was alone
in pieces
floored.
i obsessed the concept over
creation, built castles in clouds
instead of clay;
can't you see half-
way around the world
from here?
when it rains,
worlds disappear.